You’ve maybe heard the saying that you can’t help anyone until you help yourself first. And, that no one can change unless they are willing to and want to. If you have determined that there are things about yourself that you would like to improve, self-help might be just the thing that you need. I know over the years it has helped me grow into the person that I have become – not the finished article I want to be, but I am well on the road to achieving that.
If you have also found that some of the people in your life need some help too, the best thing you can do is improve those things about you, that you see wrong in them. After all, your example might be just what they need. Leading by example is a great asset to have, and maybe a more subtle way of helping your friends.
1. You Can Only Change One Person
The fact is we only have control over one person: ourselves. When you realize that, you’ll start taking more control over your own needs without worrying about how that affects everyone else. For example, if you need to lose weight, but your other half isn’t very supportive, even if they could stand to lose a few pounds too, putting yourself first in this case should inspire them. If you tend to do the shopping and/or cooking in the family then you will really be in control and not only help yourself but lead by example.
2. When You Are Happy People Want What You Have
When you show people by example that you’re a different person and have accepted responsibility for your life, and it shows through real happiness on your part, people will want what you have and start asking you what you did. We have all seen people who have appeared to change for the better; they are smiling and confident and exude an attraction without any effort. You can share your good fortune by sharing the books you read or the path you took.
3. You Teach People How to Treat You
Dr. Phil McGraw is most famous for saying that if people are treating you poorly it may be because you’ve given them permission to do so via actions, if not words. Once you look after yourself and start treating yourself better, your friends and family might decide that they also deserve better. They may start treating themselves as well as you better solely based on your attitude.
4. Learning to Communicate Better Rubs Off
It might surprise you to realize that if you want to stop arguing and fighting in your relationship that it only takes one person to make that change. You have to decide if it’s more important to win fights or to improve your relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to accept being walked over, but you can end many fights by just refusing to take part in them. When you teach yourself better communication skills, you’ll learn how to talk to people in ways that keep them from going on the attack and escalating the issue. There’s nothing worse than a fight that lingers on for hours, even days, when really you love each other.
5. Mirror the Behaviour You Want to See
You might not learn about mirroring if you aren’t actively reading about self-help. But, as you learn more about yourself and how you want to be treated, you will learn how to act in such a way that demonstrates to others how you want them to behave. This works especially well with children, who are yet to learn some of the social graces that most adults have learned.
6. Learn to Compliment Others
When you study self-help techniques and how to build self-esteem in yourself, you’ll learn that an honest compliment can go a long way. As you feel more secure in yourself, you’ll find that you have more good things to say about others. As you compliment them, they will also feel better about themselves and a circle of positivity will begin. Have you ever had a colleague compliment you on an item of clothing? Do you remember how nice it made you feel? Spread those feelings around in your circles.
7. Learn to Ask Questions the Right Way
Instead of trying to convince someone of a fact by debating them, learn to ask leading questions. Questions that make the person think about their answers deeply will work a lot better than making demands on them. As you read self-help books and practice self-help, you’ll learn the right techniques.
8. Ask How You Can Make Someone’s Life Better Today
You don’t want to be a doormat but you do want to learn how to be helpful to friends and loved ones. It feels good to do things for other people willingly, without being nagged into it. When you put your friends’, children’s or spouse’s needs ahead of your own, they will do the same for you at other times. At the same time you will give yourself a good feeling inside.
9. Learning What Boundaries Are Helps Everyone
As you study self-help, you’ll learn more about healthy boundaries which will keep you from taking any of the other lessons you’ve learned too far in the wrong direction. Boundaries keep us from either being abused or being abusive to others. We realize that our rights end where someone else’s begins and come more understanding. The world is a big place and whilst it is not possible to get on with anyone, with a little more positivity your own part of the world will become a better place.
As you seek to improve yourself, and put to practice the things that you learn, you’ll find that your friends and family often follow your lead, as long as you aren’t demanding of them. People tend to be cautious of others who preach about their political or religious thoughts, and you won’t want them doing the same with you if you are consistently shoving your new self help beliefs in their face. Instead of activity trying to recruit anyone into your new-found self-knowledge training, just lead by example and they’ll see the change and come around all on their own.
I hope you will join me in learning self help and spreading these methods by leading by example. Until next time.
Paul